People always talk about first love, but sometimes it’s the last love that really needs the discussion.
They would be the kind of person I think who would last longer than our depression cycle. When we are black and blue, they stand with a lamp in their eyes that’s brightest, every time when we try to extinguish it. They are the fireflies who fight against all the darkest demons of ours and theirs.
Our first lover is a lone warrior on a battlefield with heart as dangerous as a landmine. They are a soldier, a mountaineer, an excavator, a poet ,who doesn’t always has it with easy words ; and their words burn hydrogen into helium like the stars queuing up in the sky. And they are the people who help us believe that the sky is a place that actually exists and that it’s a magic carpet hanging upside down. lso the ring that surrounds planet Saturn is nothing but Saturn’s lover, giving it a long hug.
They are our longest hug, our softest kiss and our most meaningful shooting star sighting in a world where we no longer believe in telescopes. They might be the reason that Gallileo must have turned the telescope skywards leading to the discovery of the craters on the moon. It is said he loved the telescope so much that he also used it for observing the sun, which eventually caused his blindness. Do you know what it feels like to be a blind guy who helped us see the dark sides of the moon?
It feels like a feeling that we never want to feel. It feels like an object through optic nerve which leads all the way to the moon. And ,you realise that they are the moon! Your loved one! Who change shapes, patterns and make children believe that there Is an old lady sewing magical garments in the sky.
He or she are the reason behind our high tides and low tides because human body is after all 75% water. They are our lunar eclipse, the gravitational pull of our earth , who are a force, a push pull towards everything that seems right and perfect in our lives. They are the sum total of all our wishes ,hopes and dreams. And the return of every kind deed that we may have ever done in our lives.
The last lover is the result of every algebraic equation that we may have accidentally got right. Where while trying to find x, we found the “y”. We find why we had to walk all the way through galaxy of nothingness to find them. We walk hundered thousand light years to find them ,who shines bright than the entire constellation up above. They are our milky way, our sun and our heart. And are our light, our lamp and our moon. They must be our last love, because for once for a change we believe that the last love lasts forever.
5 Signs To Identify A Toxic Relationship
I would like to start with a confession- I have been the toxic person in certain situations, too. I know what you must be thinking now- What makes her fit to talk against toxicity, then? Well, my answer is simple. I’m only human. I have let my emotions get in the way of rational thinking and broken bridges. But I believe the most important thing to do when you make a mistake is to acknowledge it and mend whatever was broken. In this article, I am going to discuss five signs to identify a toxic relationship with you. If you want me to write about identifying toxic people, let me know in the comments.
When I say relationship, I don’t just mean romantic relationships. I’m talking about any type of relationship between two individuals. It could be the relationship between two friends, sibling, classmates, or colleagues; the relationship between a boss and an employee; the relationship between a parent and a child; or a romantic relationship. I would once again like to remind you, that I’m not better than you or any other human being when it comes to handling relationships. But I do know enough about toxic relationships to know one when I see one. The following are five signs to identify a toxic relationship in the early stages. If you relate any of these, make sure you communicate it properly to your partner and decide how to proceed.
Also Read: Can Writing Help your Mental Health
Five signs to identify a toxic relationship
Before we get into the ways of identification, I would like to go over what a ‘toxic relationship’ is. I’m sure you have all come across the phrase in social media and all that. but, what does it mean?
Any relationship where one party suffers damage because of the attitudes or behaviour of their partner can be called a toxic relationship. Damage here is not limited to physical, financial or just any kind of damage we can see with our eyes. It also includes the mental and emotional suffering inflicted on a person.
To identify toxic patterns in a relationship, pay close attention to the little things. Here are the five ways to identify a toxic relationship:
1. They silence you often
One of the first (and most annoying) things a toxic person does is making everything about themselves. They silence you when you raise your opinions or concerns in a conversation. Even if they let you speak, they pay little attention to what you have to say.
2. They disrespect you and your time
A toxic person will often not respect the effort you put into the relationship. They constantly forget to respond to texts. They are not punctual to appointments and waste your time. These people constantly put you down and refuse to apologise.
3. They try to control you
Another prominent trait in toxic persons is controlling behaviour. This is especially prevalent in romantic relationships. The person controls who you interact with, where you go, how you dress, and many other parts of your life that should be personal. In worst-case scenarios, you don’t even realise that you are being controlled and the other person can manipulate your thoughts and give you low self-esteem.
This one works both ways. Either you find out that the other person is not always honest, or you find yourself constantly lying to them to avoid conflict. This can go to the extent of you not being able to be yourself around the other person.
5. They make you feel worthless
Toxic people impose their insecurities on you and leave you feeling worthless. They make you feel like you are not good enough no matter how accomplished you are. Being around a toxic person can change the way you look at yourself. You will slowly lose interest in self-care and grooming, become bitter about yourself or even hate yourself.
If you identify any of the above-mentioned traits in a person you associate with, it is important to let them know. Communicate your concerns properly and sort it out as soon as possible.
Also, remember that toxic traits in a relationship could be contributed by both parties. It’s not always one person’s fault.
Also Read: How Can I Be A Mental Health Ally
Can Toxic Relationships Be Fixed?
The answer is yes, and no.
The first thing to do when you identify toxic patterns in a relationship, sit down and have a conversation. Chances are, the person does not realise that their behaviour affects you so much or they will acknowledge the issue and try to fix it in most cases. Toxicity is deeply rooted in our culture and the pre-defined relationship roles of our society. So, it might be worth a shot to give a person the benefit of doubt.
However, if the person refuses to acknowledge their mistakes and apologise, or to try and change their behaviour to salvage the relationship, call it quits. You do not have to deal with someone’s selfishness. There is no way to solve toxicity in a relationship, especially in a romantic one, if only one person is willing to compromise (sorry, Sima Taparia from Mumbai!).
What if I am the toxic one?
This, I can guide you through. As I confessed in the beginning, I have been the toxic one in certain situations. When I was called out for it or when I identified it myself, the first thing I did was owning it. This was the most difficult part of the process. Once I acknowledged my mistakes, it was extremely easy to fix (most of) them.
So, if you find out you are the toxic one:
- Acknowledge it.
- Apologise for your behaviour.
- Do not justify or try to make the other person feel bad.
- Be open to making changes in your behaviour.
- Try to be a better person.
Steps you can take to fix a toxic relationship
Once you have identified toxic patterns in a relationship and communicated your concerns to the other person, comes the real challenge. The challenge is working together to fix the relationship. Always remember that it is you and the other person vs. the problem, not you vs. the other person.
I don’t want to get into detail for the sake of keeping this short. But I will probably write a separate article dedicated to this subject soon.
- Practice healthy communication.
- Revise your boundaries.
- Seek professional help or therapy (especially couples).
- Establish a personal space.
- Use your voice without hesitation.
- Be prepared to walk away if things don’t work.
To know more about how you can fix a toxic relationship, read this post from Online Life Guide (this one focuses on couples).
Also Read: When Perception Becomes Reality
We all see this word and might think that independence is all about the day we got freedom for our Country. And we all tell that we are a practical person. But what about independent in personal lives and are we really practical? Do you ever have this feeling or a question to yourself that “when will i stop relying?” This question might arise on your mind at different situations of your life. it might be when you re in a toxic relationship with someone when you want to just run away from the person. Or it might be when you are with your parents and they might behave over-protective. Many of you might have even felt confused seeing the topic,and what we are going to discuss here is a little unique because we are not using the literal meaning of independence.
for example ,when we use some sentences like “leave me alone” or “i don’t want to be dependent on someone” do we really mean all this? Maybe , those are the moments when we really want someone with us. We need to first understand the meaning of “independence” before you say it to someone else. So before diving into the topic, i would like to say the meaning of “practical independence.” Practical independence simply means not relying on anyone except ourselves in difficult times.
An independent person need not always isolate themselves from others or stay away from people to be independent. We can be in a really happy relationship but we might have a feeling that we dot get the space that we want or need.
Most of us would have been in a relationship where we might have been really talking or hanging out with the person. But we might feel so devastated when they become busy for a day or so.we might also feel that the love that the person has for us have been decreased. It would have literally been only 2-3 days but it might feel like 2-3 years for us. But when the same person continuously keeps checking our phones or when we want to spend some time with our friends and family, and this person keeps nagging us by always wanting attention we get angry. We might torture the person to act according to our values and standards but we can’t accept that when the same person does that to you.why does this happen?
the answer is because we aren’t dependent on ourselves. we often rely o someone’s private life so much that we forget to give them their space. we might want them to understand when we need some privacy. But we wouldn’t give that to the person we love! A practical person focuses on carrying out concrete actions, and they tend to achieve clearly useful objectives with more or less immediate reinforcement. Being practical in a relationship in many ways because we get the space that we need and we also end up giving the space that the others need.
All most all of us have this really bad issues with our families in our teenage. We might want to just run away from home or some might also feel depressed. In fact, an American study says that the suicide rate of teenagers are more in percentage than any other age group and most of theirs reasons are these. We might feel that we really want to be independent and we all want our parents to understand this. Many parents are so broad minded and they let their children do the things they dream of. But majority of parents end up forcing the child to live up to the societies standards and they expect the children to follow all these for the sake of the family’s prestige. So you might think what has “practical independence got to do with this!
Being practical in such situations of life might help us for our whole lifetime. At the moment of pressure or depression we might want to run away or even kill ourselves. We feel that no one understands us. But thinking practical enough, why should someone understand us? Everyone faces some problem or the other in their life. And anyone would definitely think about their own problems than other’s. So being practical in our darkest situation of our life really teach us that we mustn’t rely on anyone. Which automatically is what being dependent is all about. It is also important to be a good parent and teach your child about what being self-reliable and practical is.
THE ULTIMATE IDEA
Being practical is just being realistic. We watch all the movies and series and end up with an ideology of love that does not collaborate with reality at all. Nothing that happens in movies would really happen in reality because movies and books are just fantasies and creation of yet another human being who has been fascinated about the unrealistic world. So the ultimate idea of being independent is being practical.
Being practical is more important than being positive!
In a world filled with fantasy, It is natural that we all wonder and fantasize about so many things in our lives. but thinking in a worldly perspective would definitely make us understand that fantasies would always be a fantasy and that we got to accept the REALITY! Always depend on yourself and not others.
So its important to accept the reality for every good deed that has to happen in our lives. Being independent is really important in our lives because that is what makes us a person. And being practically independent is what is much more important because everyone is raise to be an independent person and not a victim of anything. BECAUSE MAKING YOURSELF A PRIORITY IS NOT SELFISH,BUT A NECESSITY.
THIS BOOKS WOULD REALLY HELP YOU IN BEING A PRACTICALLY INDEPENDENT PERSON.
Self Love : More Than Just A Hashtag
Self love is important. People misunderstand self love. Get your perspective about self love right. Read more.
The term self love does rounds on social media, especially on positive posts. A post about acceptance of oneself or supporting another, we’re bound to find the term in there somewhere, at least as a hashtag.
Popular widely ? Yes. Understood widely ? No.
What and Why is it Important ?
Self love is a state of appreciation and love for oneself. It grows from the things one does for oneself – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. It is putting oneself first for the sake of one’s overall well-being and also motivates one to make healthy decisions.
As much as self love is something for everyone to understand and practice, it is, perhaps, also a very misunderstood concept. The concept of this topic has been seen in two lights – positive and negative. The negative concept overrules the positive one, stating it as a mark of pure selfishness and ego.
Self love is important for the overall well-being of an individual. It doesn’t mean one has to be the richest, or the most beautiful, or the most popular. It is about accepting oneself, despite the existence of flaws. Being gentle and accepting of oneself does wonders for an individual. Self love is about taking care of oneself to carry one through the journey of life. It helps to live a life worth living, for self love helps one understand oneself and one’s needs better.
In other words, self love is an underestimated source of strength, happiness and fulfillment. It lets one be oneself, true to the core and humane.
Why do people not understand the concept of self love ?
Many people struggle with the idea of loving themselves. This, perhaps, could have originated from their surroundings (households for one) where they must have seen love wax and wane according to the situation. This means that in such cases, It is a new concept to the individuals. They have to learn how to nurture themselves. People, unfortunately, fail to understand and think that it can be achieved through expensive clothes or anything materialistic.
This cannot be bought or neither can it be achieved in a day. It has to be developed – in healthy ways. It is very much needed as most people today tend to be dissatisfied with themselves and are constantly looking for ways to outdo one another, considering everything competition. What they don’t realize is that the only competition that exists is us being better today than we were yesterday.
Give it a thought and indulge yourself in learning to love yourself. At the end of the day, all you have is you. Besides, one can always use a little of the love and time one gives others for oneself.
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